This last month, a multitude of lessons were learned from the school of hard knocks. Working hard, making and breaking relationships, and seeing where my limits are currently.
This all lead to a swing in net worth, and a swing in my outlook of the world. I’ll try to share what I’ve learned, though everything’s too close to home currently for me to objectively break things down.
The most important lesson I’ve gotten is based on how I looked at the world. I had a very Japanese classical-eraish look at the way people and business worked. I though that the way my family treated me would permeate through my business associates and friends. I wanted to look out for other people’s interest, and trust that they would look out for myne. This would lead to a much cleaner, happier exchange. No haggling necessessary.
The common side effect to thinking like this is that you become very intimate with people very quickly. If that’s you, please read on.
You meet someone to do business, or make a new friend, or a new relationship, and you’re ready to do many things. You’re ready to make commitments, or to sacrifice your health, things important to you, to take care of their interests. This way of treating people isn’t necessarily wrong. Again, I do this with my fmaily, and I am absolutely greatful for the kind of relationship I share with them.
The problem with permeating this type of thining throughout is that these privelages have to be earned. A new friend, a new relationship can’t possibly earn intimacy to that effect.
99% of people don’t see the type of good will that you’re creating. You’re only setting yourself up to be burned. When you see that they don’t reciprocate, you swing 100% the other way. You start to feel bretrayed by the other person.
That’s the second side effect. If your appraisal of a person shifts wildly, please read on.
This is a very fucking childish way of doing business, or living life.
Firstly, people need to earn that type of good will. It takes going to war together, for years on end, to really develop a relationship like that. When you meet someone and try to manufucture that experience, it’s fake. It leads you to appraise people badly, and to generally do bad work and leave unfinished projects.
My lesson is to keep people around the middle. No more wild shifts. Be professional, make backup plans, and make sure you think to yourself, how can this person fuck me in this situation. Than, try to make it so they don’t have the option to fuck you.
This doesn’t mean to be hostile and bitter. That’s the same as being immediately loving, it’s fake. Simply put a question mark on their character, until you see it in real life. let them prove themeselves, and let yourself be proven to them.